There was this sign hanging on the door in the room where we met with the Dr.'s, it said Emergency Evacuation Route. I kept staring at it as the Dr was talking..thinking how badly I would love to run out of the room right now take that route and disappear. Like a child plugging their ears and going lalalalalalalalalalalala I can't hear you...but I can't do that. I have to sit in the chair again, look into the face again, listen to how sorry they are to have to deliver such news. Looking over at Ben and thinking..here we are again, but we are stronger this time...more resilient...you didn't just deliver our boys a death sentence..you delivered a challenge. Challenge Accepted!
I can still vividly remember the face of the Radiologist that told us Luke had cancer..I have not seen him since, but if I did I would know him. Some images have a way of embedding themselves..faces..an emergency evacuation sign...you just remember where you were and what you were doing when you hear devastating news. The news that followed the twins diagnosis might have been equally disturbing. They are looking for a link for this gene that we carry to the cause of Luke's cancer and the fact that Ben and I are also at a higher risk for getting cancer ourselves. It's time to get screened..colon and breast. It is also time to make sure Ben and I are as healthy as we can be, so we can care for the boys. It's time to get back to training and eating clean. We will do it for our boys.
Today I am focusing on today..everyday I am going to make it the best day. Looking out too far is scary...I get scared and unsure if I am enough, I am not made of steel, I cry..sob in fact..but I BELIEVE and that is enough for today. Tomorrow I will wake up and be enough for that day...every day is a gift from God and we will make it the best.